And so, in the end...

she decided to make the second Monday of every month- Mary Alice Bashing Day.

Who is Mary Alice? You can't be serious. Even if you still don't partake in the pleasure every Sunday night, you cannot have survived 2005 without seeing at least one episode of Desperate Housewives- when it became a smash hit and we all thought it was the second coming of Dynasty complete with complementary Chanel bag (I mean, who can blame us, especially when Marcia Cross uttered "Rex cries when he ejaculates" at their dinner party and I had to clutch my Joan Collins doll to my chest, stroking her white turban with sheer joy).

Sadly, I gave up the habit way back after Season 2-Episode 2 and haven't been able to drag myself back since. I blame this on Mary Alice. And a little bit on Teri Hatcher. And let's throw in Nicollette Sheridan's plastic surgeon for good measure.

Here's a little something you might have suspected but did not know for sure until right now. Narrators turn writers into lazy bastards. Or is it, lazy bastards use narrators and then call themselves writers? Irregardless, narration in television is dumb. It's dumb because it is the very essence of tell, don't show and dude, we can SEE you. Is it really necessary to give me the heartrending revelation that Lynette has cancer with some moron blathering on from the heavens about "faith and obstacles and love and fear", the world's most banal commentary from the cheap seats interfering at every opportunity? Seriously.

To prove my case, I've selected a few examples.



Here we learn about our reasons for "rewriting history." Which basically means, lying to other people's faces. And then a bunch of examples of people who lie. How convenient that they're all lying right at this moment, in all very different ways.



This one is lovely. Let's learn about passion, shall we? And then let's use all this talkety talk talk to ruin what otherwise would've been a pretty awesome reveal. But instead just becomes something else that proves Mary Alice's point (and when you talk with such blanket vagueness about all sorts of vague subjects, you tend to hit the point EVERY TIME).

And finally, my gift to you. I was delighted to discover that the Behind the Scenes footage of the Voice Over is as ridiculous and obvious as the voice overs themselves. Don't you just love it when it all makes sense?